So, I'm vacilating between being mad at myself and being mad at her and often much of both. What I should really be doing is to try and let go of those negative feelings. I also want to let go of the positive ones too, as those make me feel like I'm doing the wrong thing. Or make that we're doing the wrong thing. But, I know it's the right thing to do for both our sakes!

I realized that she talks to those other guys possibly to try and find the kind of support that she's not getting from me. But that doesn't make the duplicity okay. I know for sure that if she caught me doing the same thing, she'd be livid. When I first discovered this I felt that she was keeping one foot out the door already. This totally played into my fear of being abandoned and so was always ready to break up with her first!

But, life isn't fair and she's doing what she feels is right or what she feels she must do. Maybe, she's trying to make this breakup easier for herself too. She probably can't stand the thought of being alone, while I dislike the thought of her jumping into someone else's arms so quickly. And, honestly, I've done the exact same thing myself quite a bit when I was younger. I would also overlap relationships so that there was no gap or time for myself in between. At least, that was quite a while ago and I don't do that anymore.

I'm quite jealous of her ability to meet people so easily and to form personal bonds. It does hurt a lot that it was often with guys she would never tell me about. At least that's the way it seemed to me there at the end. I hope this was her way of getting to the end of our relationship and not something she was doing actively during our time together. I also fear that she's going to throw herself at some new guy who just happens to be nice to her. But, at least, it's a definite form of "closure" and a good motive for me to get on with my life!