Damn it, just when I start to really feeling better, I get thrown for another loop. Well, once again she isn't going to be able to pick up the rest of her stuff today. She called me at work and I stupidly answered the phone. I should have let it go to voice mail but that would just have delayed this little setback.

Seems that she can't stop by and get her stuff tonight after all. Now, of course I'm pretty damn curious as to what came up and why she waited till the last minute to say something. I do hope she's doing well. Luckily, I have tennis today so I'll be able to take my mind off of this later on. (I hope.)

So we re-scheduled for Thursday afternoon. I definitely plan on coming in to the office and she gets off work pretty early so we shouldn't much chance to run into each other. Also, it sounds like she's resigning herself to this being a permanent break. She said I could just leave all her stuff on the porch in a big bag if I wanted. I guess she didn't think I wanted her to come into the house at all.

I know this is all for the best that she's started moving on as I need to do as well. Still, I feel sad now. I should hold on to the fact that at least I was feeling a lot better and that my missing her was slowly ebbing away. Just need to cut myself some slack and keep holding on to my reasons for ending it. I just need more time...

Shit, I'm getting all emotionally overloaded again. I'm still in the danger zone!

I think that another reason I get to feeling like this is maybe I'm realizing that my life is not turning out the way I would have wanted for myself. When I was much younger I always thought I'd get married and have kids... the whole nuclear family thing. As time went by I lost any real feelings for having children but I do think I've always wanted to be in a relationship and now that yet another one has ended I feel like my life is not getting any better.

And now I also realize how much more maturing I still have to do. I need to get myself together before I can offer a real relationship to anyone.