Damn, I feel like I'm getting worse instead of better. I now have to fight the urge to do something stupid like track her down and ask her to take me back or just stalk her a little. Shit, how stupid would that be. I better try and find something to do Friday night to try and keep my mind off this whole situation. At least I'm going to see Mary Ann this Saturday so that'll kind of take care of itself.

Oh yeah, here's a shocker for you... I bought a book. Yeah, yeah, I know... Pete bought yet another self-help book. Will wonders never cease?! Anyway the book is called "Coming Apart" by Daphne Rose Kingma, and it deals with the end of romantic relationships and how to heal from the fallout. It's a rather short book, only about 175 pages and I'm fairly along into it and it's been kind of hit and miss for my situation.

The book talks about the expectations people have going into relationships which can make ending them so painful. So far so good but the main myth the author explores is that couple feel that "Love should last forever." Now that's not something I really considered when I agreed to let Lidia move in with me. We discussed this a couple of time before she moved in and we both agreed that her moving in would be more like intensive dating. I did have rather strong feelings for her but I don't think I would have said I love her. Although, I do remember that one of my concerns was that she started telling me she loved me 2 weeks after we started going out and when I asked her exactly what she meant, she gave me a whole rundown of the different kinds of love people feel for each other... she totally tip-toed all around the idea of romantic love. And even after this we moved in together...

Another thing about the book is that implies that almost all relationships are doomed to end. Which I guess makes some sort of sense if you look at the divorce statistics. The book makes a mildly compelling argument that each person needs to be on parallel "growth" paths in order for the relationship to have a chance at long term success. Although, many of the examples the book gives include couple that have been married for many, many years before they separate. I guess that if you want your relationship to last that this the last book you would probably be interested in. This is definitely not a "How to Make Marriage Last" book.

There's also a chapter about an ending ritual or ceremony. It has a section of questions that the breakup couple should ask each other. It's supposed to help the relationship end on a positive note. Allow each person to try and learn something important that the relationship had to offer. Since Lidia hasn't tried to contact me, even though I left her a voice mail about her stuff, I don't think a face-to-face meeting is desirable at this point, (I have to admit it would be very difficult to see her right about now.) but I wonder if I could answer the questions in email and send them to her and ask for her answers in return?

Another things the book brings up that I have a little trouble accepting is that we as adults a replaying patterns of relationships that we learned as children. These patterns are mostly about relationships with your parents, although a few examples of sibling relationships are included. This has me concerned because my childhood was pretty fucked up. While I felt loved and accepted by my mom, she would often fall ill and have to be hospitalized. This includes her mental health problems along with all her physical ailments. What does it say about the pattern I've learned when My mom wasn't around a lot after my father died? (Yes, the death of my father has probably fucked up my relationship patterns too.) I'm feeling a little doomed here...

I'm still waiting to get to the point where the book offers advice on how ameliorate these negative feelings I have. I sure hope this book helps...