She did it again. She cancelled her pick up of her stuff again. She just called and told me that they were running behind at work and that she couldn't make it over tonight. I tried to tell her to come over later because I would be gone anyway but she said she would rather just pick it up Friday. She knows I am going to be home working so I wonder if she has anything planned. We'll see.

So what am I feel right now. I am feeling some longing for her to rekindle the good parts of our relationship. I am also feeling some anger that she keeps cancelling her pick-up. I also feel that she may be trying to keep in contact to emotionally manipulate me, although I understand that she may be doing that with really being conscious of that aspect of this situation. I feel the fear of the unknown as to what's going to happen when she finally drops by tomorrow. (If she actually follows through this time.)

The feeling I have right now is that I feel like I'm back dating Erin again and while I know/knew that breaking up with her was the right thing to do, I missed her so much that I would track her down and ask her to get back together. This would have been back when I was 24, give or take a couple of years. I remember one of times I reconciled with Erin, she was just ending a date with some guy named Chuck. I remember how hurt I felt when I saw her getting out of his car.

I also remember my second or third date with Lidia when her ex-boyfriend showed up. I remember how hurt he looked when he saw Lidia and I together. I remember how awkward and hurt I felt when she went outside to talk to him in private. I felt like I was getting in the middle of something that could have been very uncomfortable. In fact, I overheard her talking to him a day or so later and she was going to meet him for lunch and I told her that if she did then we probably shouldn't see each other again. I was concerned that she would get back together with him and that I would be dumped.