So, I haven't heard much from Mary Ann. I guess it's sinking in that we won't be getting back together as a couple after all, or maybe, she's just busy with work.

I got the last of Lidia's stuff together and put it out on the front porch. I sort of hid it under the welcome mat but I still think it's a little risky leaving it out all day until she comes to pick it up around 3:45pm. I hope it's all still there when she finally makes it over. I again felt real sad that our relationship ended but I couldn't get a handle on where the main part of the sadness was coming from. I'm trying work on discovering when my inner-child stopped developing but no luck yet.

I think now the only problem I may have with the rest of her furniture is that if she asks to take it all back because she's moving in with someone, I may be really sad if my life hasn't moved forward very much. I don't necessarily think I need to be in a relationship by then but I should be at a place emotionally where I'll be ready for this inevitable moment. I mean it's going to happen sooner or later and I hope to have grown some by then.

Right now, I feel like I'm reacting to all this fear. Fear of being alone with no real attachments to anyone, except my family, of course.

I should start trying to look forward in my life. I start a class today that may help me discover my inner-self and how to make changes for the better. I am starting up with the singles club and I used to enjoy going to events and meeting new people. I just have to try and keep my negative feelings in check and force myself to make an effort if I need to. There's also another singles travel group that I've been interested in joining for a couple of trips. They're a bit on the expensive side but I can afford it.

I guess I could also renew my membership on Match dot com too or one of the other on-line dating sites out there. It hasn't even been 2 weeks since she moved out though and I just don't feel like jumping right back into dating again. I can try and give myself some time first. I don't think it would be healthy to try and get into another relationship right away. That smacks of desperation for one thing.