Dammit! I was feeling so much better today. I had a really good session with my therapist and she was able to help me find ways to get over my extreme sadness. I was looking forward to starting work on my own personal growth. I so very much want to get past all the negative patterns I keep repeating so when I do meet a woman I'm interested in it'll be for all the right reasons rather than desperately looking for someone to fill an unconscious need in my psyche.

So, what happens now? Lidia finally called me to ask about getting the last of her stuff out of my house. I had already left 2 messages to her in the last couple of days. I was just getting comfortable with thinking that Lidia is trying hard to get over our relationship and the beginning of her message sound just like that but as she kept talking she seemed to get sadder and sadder. This, of course, made me sad!!

Lidia implied that she's totally throwing herself into work to try and keep busy. She said how tired she is and she sounded almost disoriented. This really tugged at my heartstrings. Now I feel really bad for her too!

She also sent me an email from work this morning. In it she said she missed me. So, I am planning on replying to her and ask her to get the last of her stuff. I am going to mention that I am still seeing our therapist and how much it is helping me. I hope she gets the hint that she should also continue with therapy even though I know she totally balks at the costs. But if she is working so much, she could pay for it with her tips.

I just need to follow the advice in the reading that Phebe gave me and in my new book. We got together for reasons that were so much less than ideal and thus the reasons we are separating are so much more valid. We both needed to mature and grow as individuals before our relationship could improve. I know that she's going to be alright in the long run, just like me.