Now I'm thinking of going on a singles trip to New Zealand. I've travelled with this group once before to Maui. It was a fun trip but I got a little obsessed with one woman who didn't see me as boyfriend material. We did have a very brief friendship though, mostly through email as she lived in Northern California while I am in Arizona.

The reason I am hesitant is that I feel fear. It's sort of unspecified, like a general fear of the unknown. Part of it too is that it would add more "closure" to my breakup and that goes against the little fantasies I still harbor about us getting back together. This makes me feel foolish too because I can't get back with her. It's over! Although, I sometimes wonder if she'll start sending me emails like she used to do to her ex-husband?

The group that sets these up sent out an email saying that they need more men to sign up for this trip because there's only 3 men going out of a total of 22 singles. Seems like good odds to me but then I worry about getting into a new relationship so soon. Although, by the time of the trip it'll be almost 3 full months since my breakup. I just can't stop worrying about every stupid thing!

Another problem is that I need to decide in the next day or so as they have to have payment at least 60 days in advance and the trip is scheduled for the last week in March.