Well I'm feeling like I really miss Lidia again. I've decided to give up drinking and I know that's something that she would have wanted me to do too. I should probably cut down on the porn and masturbation for a while too. That would also have made her happy.

But of course it would never be enough for her. I could never be the man that she could completely give her heart to. She would still have her previous issues with both her ex-husbands. I think she may feel that she could have been happy with Ed if she had been as sexual as she thought I wanted her to be. And of course she still has a lot of unresolved feelings for Mark.

I have to remember that, to use an awful cliche, there's still a lot of fish in the sea. I'm not going to meet someone exactly like Lidia and that's probably a good thing. I want to meet someone like I described in my 5 year narrative. My problem is to be the kind of man that a woman like that would be interested in. I think a guy that doesn't drink would acceptable.