Dinner with Therese last night had me in a bit of emotional turmoil. It started out pretty pleasant but I started thinking about Lidia and I started wishing I was with her. I was very impressed with Therese's liking of sushi. She even suggested we have the sashimi, which is just the fish without the sushi rice. I was thinking that's something Lidia would never have done. I actively tried to push those thoughts away and just enjoy our dinner and conversation. We drank water and hot green tea all evening.

Therese was very knowledgeable about current events and politics. It was a real pleasure just to talk to her. Our conversation drifted from subject to subject. She also spent a lot of time talking about herself and her family. She also started talking about a few guy friends she has. Now this really surprised me because in class she lamented that she had no close friend that she could call up and invite to dinner but when she was talking about these guys it sounded like she was very close to at least 2 of them. So, I wonder where all the self-pity is coming from. I think it has much more to do with her childhood and especially her mother than her social situation in the present. She definitely has quite a few friends that she seemed very close to when she talked about them. Curious!

Then she sort of deflated my ego a bit when she stated that she wasn't really interested in dating but if she was she was friends with this German man and she would probably be dating him. She described him as very cold and distant. She said that they went to movies together and she would lean in toward him and once she touched him on his shoulder and the guy practically jumped out of the seat. This seems to be the reason she's not dating him and not because she's not interested in dating. I guess that's better than trying to win over someone who has a trait that is so off-putting. I told her I couldn't date someone who wasn't physically affectionate. In fact, one of the reasons I ended it with Lidia was that she didn't enjoy French kissing. It did feel like a rejection and I again started missing Lidia. It was mostly because of self-pity again as I don't like feeling rejected even if she was pretty gentle about it.

I'm not even very attracted to her physically but I felt myself trying to charm her and sort of win her over. It felt sort of like a first date. She sure did dress nicely too, while I was just in jeans and a nice shirt. At the very least I felt the old thrill of the chase bubble up. I was both disheartened and excited at the prospect of going on a lot of first dates in the future. Turmoil, is a good word for it...