I had dinner with Ward last night and I was really nervous about it beforehand. I was worried that he would say he's seen Lidia at some of his happy hours, flirting with a bunch of different guys. It's going to be a while before I can get past this possessiveness and jealousy. We hardly talked about Lidia at all and I am proud of myself that I didn't trash her or even really say any negative things about her to Ward. He's a nice guy but I know for a fact that he likes to gossip quite a bit.

We had a nice long talk during dinner and he caught me up with all his doings for the last couple of years. I hadn't gone to any of his events since Lidia had been with Scott early last year. He wasn't really dating anyone serious but he still had a close relationship with Jude. He surprised me when he said he was probably not going to see her much anymore. It seems she wasn't very supportive with his problems when his daughter and father passed away last year. He's been through much much lost last year but he still seems very positive about life in spite of it all. That's so cool.

He was very "matter of fact" about his feelings toward Jude now. I was a little envious that he could be so nonchalant about a relationship he's been in for at least as long as I was with Lidia. I felt I need to be supportive so I let him talk about his life and times pretty much. It was enlightening for me too. He seems pretty comfortable with being single in the future and not being so concerned with finding that "special lady." That is a good role model for me to emulate, I think.

He really helped my esteem when he told me that he thought I was a really good guy and that I had a lot to offer some woman. He also mentioned that he thought I was pretty good looking too. How funny, he was a bit embarrassed to tell me that. I did mention how incompatible Lidia and I were and he understood pretty well how important that can be in a relationship.

I told him that I wasn't looking to jump right into a serious relationship right away. I'm going to try and date casually for a while. I think it's his approach to dating too so I'll have to pick his brain about it one of these days. My challenge now is to not come across as needy or desperate as I'm feeling inside.