Ugh. I'm emailing Lidia again. At least, now I don't feel a tremendous urge to reconcile. It's only a mild urge right now. She sent me an email 2 days ago asking to get her furniture back in a couple of months. I told her of course, it would be alright. I didn't mention that it would be good for me too for her to get the rest of her stuff out.

Of course, I feel sad about this too. At first I got jealous. I thought she may be moving with a new guy but after I thought about it I realized that she, most likely, wouldn't need her furniture right away. I figure that she's moving in with a friend she met on one of her jobs.

She can really tug at my heartstrings. She told me that she got rear-ended in the Toyota yet again. She's going to take it back to the same body-shop where it was fixed the first time she got rear-ended. I feel so bad for her. She's had the worst luck with that car, starting from the fucked up initial dealings with the fucking sales manager at Right Toyota!

She also complained how she's working so much and how she's not feeling well either. I am really starting to feel sad for her. I know things have been rough for me emotionally these last 2 months but it seems things are worse for her. I have to admit though that this could be another attempt at her usual emotional manipulation. She may WANT me to feel sorry for her so I'll keep in touch. I think she may still feel that we could reconcile like her boss Allison did with her husband after a year long separation.

I also think about reconciling too sometimes but it would totally crazy right now. I know I still haven't changed much from when we were together and I don't think she's change any either. I would say that her attempts at manipulation would indicate that she hasn't.

There were definitely good points about our relationship and it's those I miss and I am discounting the bad points because of fears about a new relationship and a an underlying need to be in any relationship. I want to get healthy and happy by myself first and then find someone to love and who will love me in return. That may be Lidia but most likely it won't.