I've been thinking a lot about something my therapist brought up at our last session. I was talking about things I missed about Lidia and I was talking about how good a cook she was and how clean she kept the house. Then my therapist went back into her notes and repeated what I told Lidia a long, long time ago. I said that I didn't care at all about the cooking and cleaning that she did.

I think at the time I meant it but now I'm wondering if that's actually more important to me now. Maybe it's just a bit of sour grapes. You really can't miss something until it's gone. The difficult part is now I get confused again. I think that maybe Lidia was better for me than I ever thought. I sort of feel like I'm maturing more and certain things that I thought were unimportant are becoming more important.

I still have to accept that it's over but it's hard sometimes still. I'm definitely getting back into the habit of doing all my own cooking and cleaning now. I guess what brought this to the forefront was talking to Elaine last night.

I finally got her to come back to my place and I knew she was going to be impressed with all the nice furniture I have and mostly how clean it all is. Elaine immediately started saying that she was never going to invite me over to her place again. She was only half joking!

I still really like Elaine but now I wonder if she's right for me too. Of course I have no idea what she's like in bed so I can't really decide whether to stop seeing her or not yet. We still haven't even really kissed yet. I mean nothing very passionate. This is a warning sign to me. We've gone out 6 times now but I think it may be partly my fault. I think I need to get a little more aggressive when I kiss her. If it scares her away then so be it.