I just left a message on Lidia's voicemail. My voice cracked a bit with emotion. I apologized for the misunderstanding on my part. I told her that I still had strong feelings for her and that I really went to see if the car was badly damaged and if so I would have asked if she was hurt at all.

When I saw the car it had no damage visible. I felt very manipulated. I told her, and she agreed that we wouldn't contact each other for at least 3 months. That lasted maybe 2 weeks. I start to wonder if she's moving on or waiting for me to ask her back but when I make a move to see her in person, she always puts me off. As a result, I have no idea what she's going through.

She just sent me a text telling me to have a nice trip. Once again, this was after I said in my message that we shouldn't contact each other for a while. I told her to just contact me when she's ready to get her furniture. I was hoping that she would leave me alone and give me enough of a call ahead to get anything ready for her to take.

I'm definitely still hung up about her but this really shows that I just don't have any trust in her and that I would surely start treating her badly again. I don't want to do that to her and it's not any fun for me either. How can I think I care about her so much if I treat her like shit sometimes?