I was talking to my friend Carmen about my issue with Elaine and she thinks I should call her and invite her to talk about what she's feeling. Oh boy, this is a tough predicament.

On the one hand, I would hate for Elaine to end our relationship over something I said when I really meant to say something else. I do really like her and think that this may be a good relationship to explore.

On the other hand, this seems like me repeating my pattern of getting involved too deep too soon. In this case I should wait until Sunday. If Elaine does call to cancel well, then it's her loss. Otherwise I can bring it up that she seemed uncomfortable after dinner Wednesday and if there's anything she would like to discuss about it.

I think I'll call my therapist during lunch to get some "phone" support first. I need some perspective because, honestly I feel more like I'm doing the second thing. I mean, we've only gone out 4 times now and while she seemed more eager on our third date, it should not be that big a deal if she decided to end it now. Otherwise, I'm in too deep.

That last paragraph seem to have an irrational belief. Why should it not be a big deal if she ends? This is a tough one. I need to look inside and see if this is a healthy feeling of regret and loss or if it's an unhealthy one of neediness and desperation. I think, it's the former and not the latter.

I still have a lot of things going on. I'm meeting Mary Ann for a Suns game tomorrow. Going to a couple of singles events next weekend. Then my big trip. Then, even after that, I'm going to try speed dating. Older men, younger women. How cool is that?