Shit, I may have already blown it with Elaine. We had a really great dinner and about half way in we finally got around to talking about my previous relationship situation. She wanted to know how long I've been single so I told her since December. I said that it's not so long after she broke her engagement off in September.

Then I think here is where I went wrong. She asked why I ended it and I said it was because my ex had changed her mind about marriage. Stupid, stupid stupid! I said that st first she wanted to get married then she said she didn't and then she said she did and that at this point I wasn't ready to marry her so I had to let her go so she could find someone who would.

She asked how long we were together and I said 3 years. Now when I took her home she barely kissed me good night and she even pulled back a bit when I leaned in for a few more. Not good signs. At the movies her body language was totally closed off. She had both her arms and legs crossed and she stuck her hands under her legs so that I would have no opportunity to hold her hand. She did bump me a few times as were walking around the theater.

At least she invited me inside her place this time. She was very apologetic about how messy it was. I saw she has a big screen TV too. It was pretty old though. She complained that she couldn't open her window blinds much because she has a neighbor that like to peek inside.

I did also mention that I was going on an extended vacation at the end of March. This is when the conversation turned to my last relationship and why we broke up. I described the vacation as one that caters to singles by matching them up with a room-mate. I tried to make it sound more like a financial set up so that as a single, I wouldn't have to pay any single-supplement.

Man, what a big mistake I made. I don't think there's a way to recover from this one either. Another messed up part is that I asked her out for another date before this discussion took place and as I confirmed it when I left her place it seemed she agreed to still go out of sheer niceness and to keep her word. I hope that maybe with time I can show her that I am interested in getting married but I want to be sure it's to the right woman!

I think that based on her actions that she may be undecided if she wants to continue seeing me or she may be in a "wait and see" mode to determine how I'm going to act in the future. That's all well and good but I really would like a little encouragement to keep seeing her. That would include a few make out sessions in the near future.

A big part of me wants to call her tonight and ask. "What went wrong?" I really want to know what I said that made her close herself off like that. I think the healthy thing to do though, is to pull my self back from her emotionally too and leave things as they are until our next date on Sunday. She may have reached a decision by then whether to pursue something with me or to call it quits. I do hope she wants to keep things going...