Damn, I feel a little wrung out now. I just sent an email to Elaine to disregard my previous email and asked her to remain friends. I did enjoy her company and I was probably coming across as desperate. I was really complimenting her a lot and it may have come off as insincere.

I would really like to talk with her to find out what went wrong. I would hope that she could be honest with me if she sees that I'm pretty harmless and willing to stay friends like a real adult.

It would be ironic if she really thought that I was not ever going to get married while I feel that she may be the type of woman that I would want to marry. Too funny!

I got pretty drunk last night thanks to my shitty coping skills, or lack there of. I went to Buffalo Wild Wings to play some trivia and drink. I had a good time. It was early and the place was pretty empty. The bad part was that I drank 5 pints. At least I had dinner before I left and drove home relatively sober. But then I started drinking more when I got home but I only had the slightest hangover this morning. I think my tolerance is returning. Not a good sign.

Well, I can't blame alcohol for the Elaine fiasco. I was definitely on my best behavior when ever we went out. So it was all on me.

My challenge is to be happy in my life by myself. When this happens I can find someone to share it with. I watched A Guide to Happiness again and it did drive home the message that the search for a mate is almost completely unrelated to being happy. In fact, more recent studies show that after a small bump in reported happiness, couples generally return to levels closer to how they felt before they got married. I think this helped me stay with Lidia for so long. I think I was generally happy before we met and I just need to remind myself that I can return to that state... eventually.