This is my last entry in this blog. This break up is over and I will start a new blog for my life beyond this relationship. It's kind of scary though that this blog is the largest one I have. My breakup was worse than my relationship, it seems. That may explain why I stuck it out far longer than I should have.

I do feel sad and angry at how she acted after she moved out. She lied about almost everything she told me. She said she wants to be friends but I feel that is impossible given how she could lie to me so easily and so often. This behavior is unacceptable from anyone. I won't be friends with someone who can lie to me so easily. And, of course, she's never apologized for any of this.

She burned any bridge that there might have been between us. Right to the ground! But I am sad. I really would have liked to be friends, eventually.

I am still sad about us but I know that will fade with time. I'm sad about what might have been. I do hope she finds inner peace but it will probably elude her for the rest of her life. She keeps looking outside of herself for something that only comes from within.

I am sad about the loss of her friendship. She is a nice person underneath the lies and manipulation. She just makes a lot of bad decisions. Some of those decisions led her to lie to me over and over again. You don't lie to your friends that way!

Maybe, just maybe, in the far, far future, we can reconnect and discuss what went wrong with us and maybe I can help her see that she really needs some sort of help.

I've gone back over my entries here and I see how hard I was on myself. I feel almost foolish for some of the things I wrote. It's because of what I learned that Lidia was doing during the same time period. She was already in a new relationship early on while I was doing some real difficult soul searching. I was tearing myself up over whether we would reconcile and she was lying to me about what she was going through.

I am so hard on myself, as if I could have fixed this. I relied a lot on what she told me and that was mostly false. This sums up what much of our relationship was like. I was trying so hard to do the right things and make things work but she wasn't. She told me she was but for whatever reason she didn't. I truly don't wish her any ill will and I do feel sad and sorry for her.

I forgive myself for all the mis-steps I've made. I forgive myself for all the hurts I've inflicted upon her and myself. I forgive myself for being so gullible about what she told me during our relationship and after she moved out. I forgive myself for not being strong enough to end it early on. Truly, it wasn't all bad. We both just couldn't grow enough for each other. I let her go...

Okay, I'm done. To follow my new bolg click Here.