Fuck. Fuck Fuck.

I was just thinking about what most likely happened over the New Year holiday. Now, this mostly mere suspicion but I think the evidence is strong that she slept with Will in her bed.

I wonder if she made him use a condom? She was still using birth control during that time. I was kind of suspicious why she didn't stop like the last time we broke up. We had stopped having sex in mid December. So, I know she had to get a refill and she didn't like spending money on shit like that.

I took a blanket off her bed when she left to take stuff to her new place. I could smell the scent of the "wet spot." It was actually dry by this time but I could still smell something. This was after I noticed that she left her undies in the hamper and I saw the crotch was kind of crusty. I was surprised to find this in the hamper as she had made a point of telling that had done the laundry while I was away. I asked her if she wore the sexy little black skirt, that was there also, to the New Years eve party with Will but she denied it and said that she wore it the day before when she went to the movies with Dianne. More bullshit, she would have washed it with the other laundry she did. She said they saw the new Bond movie but that's hardly a chick flick. More evidence that Will went too.

I figure that her laundry consisted of the stained sheets but that since she didn't clean the mattress pad there was still an odor that I noticed. Otherwise she would have washed her clothes from Friday night! Lies! Lies! Lies!

And I also noticed that when I got back from L.A. she had taken down all her pictures of us together. They were in a drawer in her room. I saw that the picture I took of her alone was missing. I bet she gave it to him that night. I must admit, that was a great picture of her. I used to have on my desk at work. It's just more evidence that they were way more than "just friends" even this early in our break up. Just like there other times. More of the same bullshit.

So why am I not more upset with her. I can't really think that I drove her to do that sort of shit. I mean I am also pretty sure that she slept with this guy Eric, when we broke up during our first year together. Why didn't I make it stick then. Yeah, I didn't find out about that for a few days after we reconciled and she totally, vehemently denied it, but still.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

Okay, here's more I just thought of, She kept telling me that she wants a commitment but then she said about Will that she has no idea if he will marry her or if he even wants to move in together? Wouldn't it have been smarter to find out about that before you start fucking someone? Sure he's a nice guy and all but if you really want a commitment and marriage then you should talk about that at least a little up front. Just to be sure you are both on the same page, not that that's what is going to happen right away! It's so obvious that she's just using him to get over me like she used Scott to make me jealous.

What the fuck is wrong with her?