It's 3am and I can't sleep. No surprise there but I have been thinking about the last few months we were still together. I had totally busted her telling me a lie. She said she went to get a massage one day after work. I was on my way home and decided to drive by Massage Envy. I didn't see her car out front. I knew her voice mail code so I called it to see if she had any messages and Massage Envy had left a message that she had missed her appointment.

At the time I thought she was seeing Ron for dinner. I thought that she was talking to him because this was right after I came back from Vegas and I had checked her phone bill and saw she had called him a few times late at night when I was away.

I confronted her about it but she said that the receptionist had got the appointment wrong and that all the massage employees were supposed to park in the back. I knew that was total bullshit because she never parked in the back and I drove by one day afterward and she was parked out front! I now seriously think that she was seeing Will for a date.

She's a lying, cheating piece of shit and now I want to hurt her back. I want to keep the stupid, fucking secretary and just tell her to get her old pieces of shit furniture out of here. I want to tell her that Will can't come in to my place. She can send Marty and Neal to get the last of her shit and that's it. I want to tell her to go fuck herself and that I never want to see her face again!

What drives me nuts is this is exactly the kind of shit she complained that Mark did to her. It's why she still is angry toward him. She was so hurt that he didn't talk to her but did all his shit in Korea and behind her back. And on top of that, she's fucking Will and she doesn't know if they're going to marry. She said that she thought I was the one but she says she has no idea what's going to happen with Will in the future. And yet it's okay to fuck him! What a complete fucking hypocrite!

Even more bullshit was the few times we did talk she would heavily imply that she didn't have much of a social life because she was working so much. It may all be circumstantial but it all makes sense in a twisted, fucked up way. She was ready to leave me a while ago but she couldn't until she had someone else lined up to be with. It's why she wouldn't meet me face to face. What a sad, pathetic, little person she is. Now I'm starting to feel sorry for her.

Then, on our call yesterday, she was complaining how Ed was still cheating on his wife. That he cheated on her when they were engaged and that he's still cheating on her. She said that he's disgusting but she cheated on me. Maybe not technically but at the very least she completely violated our agreement. She agreed not to date anyone until after she had moved out. She lied. That agreement was broken before we even made it. Fuck, I am so hurt and angry!

Well one good thing I noticed, at least it's way more anger than hurt. Maybe I'll hurt more later but it's almost surprising how little feeling I still have for her after all the pieces finally came together. Right now I just want her out of my life!