Just finished loading the truck with the last of Lidia's stuff. Once again I am feeling very, very sad but at least it's not that over-riding weepiness that I felt earlier in this break up. I am doing much better I just want this feeling to be over though.

This is where I start scaring myself. I hate feeling this way so much that I vow never to get into another serious relationship again. Then I worry that I'll never meet anyone as nice as the person I just broke up with, Lidia in this case. And then I latch onto the first woman who seems interested in me. Before I am sure that we should get serious.

I practically guarantee that I'm going to repeat this same pattern over and over. Now's the time to do things right. I want to fix what's wrong inside me and then go looking for someone that I can be happy with and who I can make happy by just being myself!

I did try and engage Marty with a question about where Lidia was going to be staying. He did the decent thing and declined to say. I asked if it was true that she moving in with Shauna. I find that hard to believe since she didn't like Shauna very much and Shauna has 2 young kids. I could have phrased it differently to make it obvious that I thought she was moving with her new BF but I didn't want to put too much pressure on Marty.

I told him that I was keeping the secretary because she broke an agreement we had. I think she may justify it in the way she phrased her response to me. She said "I didn't date Will while I was living there with you." I wasn't "there" over the New Year holiday. Well there I go grasping at straws again. It's so pointless too because she's gone. NEVER TO RETURN!