I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed and I am avoiding updating my blog as a result.

I spoke to Lidia these last 2 days. She's coming for the last of her stuff the first weekend in May. I'm feeling sad again. I mentioned that all the stuff in my house reminds me of her. She said she misses me too but that this was the best for both of us. I found that sort of ironic. I just hinted that I'm still sad and she took it even farther.

I think I really need this to end. I still hold a lot of feelings for her and I still feel like trying to get back together. It's better that she's not interested in doing that. I am doing better though. That sad weepy feeling deep down has pretty much quited down. I guess little Petey is starting to feel better about our situation.

It'll be good to get her stuff out. Since Ward hasn't been doing much lately I don't feel like Lidia and I would run into each other at all. If she wasn't contacting me, I wouldn't even know if she was still around. It was stupid of me to check out her car when she said she was hit again. Even her last email invited me to keep in touch, "If you want!" Sorry, I don't want!

Reading Albert Ellis has helped too. I can understand that it's okay to still feel sad and even frustrated but that it's irrational to get all depressed about this. I am finding a lot of musts and shoulds still float around my thoughts. I know I'll be mostly happy again. Heck I'm happy now for the most part. It's only when I let my thoughts dwell on Lidia and the good things we had that I start getting sad again.

On another note, I'm going out with Mary Ann tonight. We're going out to celebrate her birthday. She's turning 47 today. I totally forgot to get her a card but in a way that's a good thing. She was saying how much she missed me during my trip. This may put her off a bit.