I think I am doing much better. I don't feel that weepy, sadness that I was feeling before my vacation. It's easy to know that time will help heal the emotional wounds but it's a different beast altogether to slog through the painful heartache in the interim.

I will admit that I still miss Lidia and I still go over different scenarios in my head. If only I did this or she did that or what if things were different now... The main difference that I can tell, is that I am not feeling the immense sadness of abandonment that was I feeling before. I wonder if this means Petey has gone back into my subconscious. I don't think I really did much to help that part of my psyche to heal.

My next big challenge and hopefully my last, is when Lidia comes to get the last of her furniture. I think she may expect me to help her unload it at her new place after we get it out of mine. I'm not sure if I want to know where she will be living. It's much better for me emotionally, if I don't have any contact with her and don't know where she's living. That would remove any temptation to stalk her. I wish she didn't work so close to where I live but I can't change that. I think I'll suggest that she rent a truck so the move can be done in one trip too.

I am hoping that this will be the end of any contact from her. At least for a long, long time. I asked her not to contact me before and she did anyway. Now, with all her stuff gone, there's no reason for her to contact me. I think it may be possible to be friends but that would be far in the future based on the way I still feel about her right now.

So after this I can start working on improving myself. I have lots of potential for growth left. On the other hand, I am kind of feeling sorry for myself right now after my big trip. I think I could have gotten laid if that's what I really wanted to accomplish. I feel pretty confident that I can date casually but I am a lot less confident that I can do casual sex. The main problem I had on my trip was that I wasn't very physically attracted to the women who seemed attracted to me. Too fat or too old or (shudder) both!